


My Heart Beats for You

by lonelyhourglass47



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25650424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyhourglass47/pseuds/lonelyhourglass47
Summary: Mark isn’t saying he’s not worried, because he definitely is. He’s just confused, and Ethan refused to tell him what was wrong over the phone. On the way to Ethan’s house, Mark comes up with every possible situation he could think of, explanations for what might be wrong, and they all sound terrible in his head. He needs to see Ethan. Ethan needs to be okay.Ethan isn’t okay, and when Mark finally finds out why, he almost faints at the thought of what Ethan’s going to do about it. Sure, Ethan would be doing it to help someone else, but Mark can’t handle the idea of losing his best friend.No, it’s not suicide. But somehow, Mark thinks that this might be worse.
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor, Mika Midgett/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 9
Kudos: 150





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back, here to give you some more sad stuff!
> 
> I apologize in advance.

Mark isn’t saying he’s not worried, because he definitely is. He’s just confused, and Ethan refused to tell him what was wrong over the phone. On the way to Ethan’s house, Mark comes up with every possible situation he could think of, explanations for what might be wrong, and they all sound terrible in his head. He needs to see Ethan. Ethan needs to be okay.

An hour earlier, Ethan had just gotten the worst news of his life. As soon as he had gotten off of the phone with the hospital, he started to sob uncontrollably, dropping his phone on the floor and running to the bathroom to throw up. How was he supposed to accept the information he had been given? How was he supposed to ignore the ticking time bomb sitting in the hospital waiting for him?

Only after forty-five minutes of weeping did the seriousness of the situation really sink in, and Ethan felt his breathing fall out of rhythm and become erratic, his vision blurring behind the tears as he sat in the corner of his room. The panic fully settled in, and he couldn’t breathe anymore, holding in a bit of air until his lungs burned so much that he had to let it out. He continued the frivolous pattern, hardly breathing in anything and just holding his breath until he felt dizzy. It took another ten minutes for him to calm down enough to crawl across the room to grab his phone, deciding to call Mark since he was the only friend Ethan wouldn’t feel embarrassed crying and breaking down in front of.

Ethan dialed the number and waited for Mark to pick up, but he never did. So Ethan called again. And he called again. After a minute or two he gave up on calling, figuring that Mark must be busy if he wasn’t picking up after several calls. Ethan shot him a text instead, hoping he could hold himself together until he got a response.

After two hours of recording that evening, Mark finally felt like he had enough footage to take a break. He turned off all of his equipment and got up to stretch before picking up his phone (which had been on silent) and seeing five missed calls from Ethan, followed by a text.

Ethan: please call me asap

Without another thought, Mark called him back, wondering what had to be so important that Ethan called him multiple times. Obviously something was wrong, and Mark needed to know.

Ethan picked up on the third ring, sniffling and trying to catch his breath. “Hello,” he said hoarsely, and god, it hurt Mark just to hear him like that. Even if he had only been upset about something insignificant, Mark would feel horrible if Ethan sounded so hurt.

“Ethan? What’s going on?” asked Mark, unable to mask the fear in his tone.

Ethan downright whimpered on the other line and said, “I just--Can I come over? I-If you’re busy, it’s okay, I’m sorry I called so many times--”

“No,” Mark sternly replied. “I mean, it’s okay that you called a bunch. Obviously if you’re this worked up it’s because of something big, and I’m here for you. But you’re not coming over here, because in the condition it sounds like you’re in I don’t think it’s safe for you to try to drive over here. I’ll go to your place instead, okay? Just give me like ten minutes and I’ll be there. Are you okay?”

“I’m definitely not okay,” Ethan whispered harshly. 

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Mark asked.

Ethan’s response came not even a second later. “No, it’s too much to get into. I’ll tell you when I’ve processed it more?” It came out as a question, and Mark decided not to push him further.

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you while I’m heading over there or is it okay if I hang up?” questioned Mark.

Ethan sniffled again and took a deep breath, clearly trying to decide. “You can hang up. I’ll be fine, I mean, I’ve already been like this for an hour, so--”

“An hour? I’m so sorry,” Mark said, an ache in his chest. God, what could have made Ethan so upset?

“It’s okay. I’m going to go, um, I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay--wait,” Mark began, “before you go, just know that whatever’s going on, it’s going to be okay. Please don’t do anything to yourself in the next ten minutes, no matter how much you want to.” Ethan tried to say something, but Mark cut him off. “No, don’t try to pretend you haven’t thought about it. We both know how you get sometimes.” 

Ethan was quiet on the other line, so Mark spoke again. “I’m going to be there soon, okay? I love you. Please be strong until I get there.”

“Okay,” Ethan said quietly. “Thank you.” After hanging up, he tried to stand so he could at least sit in his bed rather than on the floor. He looked out of his bedroom windows to glance at the moon, which was only a sliver in the night sky. Of course he felt bad about making Mark come over at almost midnight, but Ethan desperately needed a friend right now.

Mark is definitely worried. He’s confused and concerned and worried sick about Ethan, who refused to tell him what was wrong over the phone. Mark gets in his car and starts to head over to Ethan’s house, coming up with every possible explanation for Ethan’s behavior he could think of on the way, and each theory sounds terrible in his head. He needs to see Ethan and make sure he’s okay. He also needs to make sure Ethan doesn’t do the Bad Thing like he used to.

For about half of the year last year, Ethan got into a bad habit, one that he resented himself for even though he was the one who refused to stop doing it. It first happened when he was dealing with a serious self-confidence issue, thanks to a load of negative comments on his YouTube videos and also being jokingly called annoying and unattractive by some of his friends. He didn’t want anyone to find out about what he’d done, but after doing it a second and third time, he figured someone needed to know. Of course, since Mark was (and still is to this day) his most trusted best friend, Ethan confided in him, telling him about his newfound issue with self-harm. Mark was caring, supportive, and did all he could to help Ethan stop.

Eventually, Ethan said he had gotten over it. But just about a month ago, he had what you’d call a relapse, and he couldn’t hide the scars from Mark. It’s a big reason why Mark was so distressed on his way to Ethan’s house at nearly midnight. He had this awful feeling that Ethan might try to hurt himself again since he was in such a vulnerable state.

As soon as Mark gets to Ethan’s house, he rushes in (why did Ethan leave his front door unlocked?) and heads straight up to Ethan’s bedroom, knowing for certain that’s where he’d be. Not wanting to barge in and scare him, he knocks on Ethan’s door and listens to some shuffling around and quiet footsteps before Ethan is opening the door and looking at Mark with the saddest expression the man has ever seen. 

“Before you ask, no, I didn’t hurt myself,” Ethan says weakly, as if he can read Mark’s thoughts. The latter’s heart sinks as he stares at the drying tears on Ethan’s reddened cheeks, his eyes big and bloodshot as his bottom lip quivers. 

Mark moves forward and wraps his arms around Ethan in a hug, wishing he could absorb the boy’s pain so he wouldn’t be standing there all disheveled and distraught. Ethan’s arms snake up Mark’s back before he fists his hands in Mark’s shirt and leans into him, letting more tears spill and starting to sob again. “It’s okay, I’m here for you,” Mark whispers, rubbing Ethan’s back with one hand and moving the other up higher to place it gently on the back of Ethan’s head. “You’re okay. Whatever’s happening, you’re okay. Just keep breathing.”

It takes about ten minutes for Ethan to stop crying again, exhausted and spent after already sobbing hysterically for an hour before Mark arrived. Once he finally quiets down, Mark slowly pulls away from the hug and wipes a few stray tears from Ethan’s face. “Do you want to talk about it at all? Is there anything you can tell me?”

Suddenly feeling guilty for not letting Mark in on the details of the situation, Ethan shakes his head and looks down at the floor. “I can’t--it’s too much.”

Mark desperately wants to know what’s wrong since it seems to have fucked up Ethan’s entire night, but he decides not to push it and end up sending Ethan back into a weeping mess. “Okay. You look exhausted. You should try to get some sleep.” Ethan nods, and he walks over to the bed before pulling off his hoodie and jeans. Mark is relieved to see that there aren’t any fresh cuts on Ethan’s arms, even though the boy already told him he hadn’t hurt himself. It’s hard to tell these days when Ethan’s telling the truth about it or not.

Mark watches Ethan get under the covers and turn off the small lamp on the nightstand. “Will you stay in here with me?” he asks meekly, almost like he’s afraid Mark will refuse. 

“Yeah, of course,” Mark responds, removing his shoes and joining Ethan in bed. They happen to be facing each other as they lie on their sides under the duvet, and Mark feels bold tonight, so he reaches out in front of him and takes one of Ethan’s hands in his. “Is this okay?” he asks though, not wanting to overstep boundaries.

Ethan nods and gives a weak smile. “Yes. Actually, tell me if this makes you uncomfortable--” He scoots closer to Mark on the bed and wraps an arm around him, pulling their bodies close enough together so that Mark can feel Ethan’s body heat. They’re basically cuddling by the time Ethan gets situated, his face an inch away from Mark’s chest. It does make Mark uncomfortable, but only because he’s tried to avoid the thoughts that are rushing into his brain now for so long. Thoughts about wanting to pull Ethan even closer. Thoughts about wanting to tilt his head down enough to plant a soft kiss to Ethan’s hair, or maybe even lift Ethan’s chin so Mark can lean down and capture the boy’s lips with his own. Mark had only been repressing his romantic feelings for Ethan because, well, Ethan has a girlfriend who he loves. Mark doesn’t want to get in the way of that. He’s not a homewrecker. And maybe if he pushes away all of the romantic thoughts he has about Ethan when they’re in a room together or when he goes to sleep thinking about him, it might help the feelings go away over time. 

But it’s been months, and the feelings Mark has are only getting stronger. Especially when he goes against his better judgement and tangles his legs with Ethan’s, receiving a contented sigh from the other. Mark starts to think that maybe accepting his crush on Ethan could be a bit less stressful than ignoring it, but he really doesn’t have the heart to care either way when he’s got Ethan right next to him, their bodies pressed against each other as they fall asleep.

“Love you, Mark,” Ethan says tiredly. Mark knows he means it platonically, but it still makes his heart flutter.

He lets it slide just this once. “Love you too. Goodnight.” Ethan falls asleep soon after hearing the words, and Mark lets himself rest, too.

They’re okay.


	2. Chapter 2

A week. It takes a week for Mark to hear from Ethan again. The morning after he had gone to Ethan’s house to comfort him when he clearly needed it, Mark had to go back home to work on stuff for his channel, and Ethan said it was okay. But Mark didn’t hear from him for another week.

He had tried to call him after two days, but Ethan didn’t pick up. He tried calling again the next day, and the same thing happened. On day four, Mark actually showed up to Ethan’s house to make sure he was alright, but the latter wasn’t even there. It worried him more than he’d like to admit.

After a week of feeling anxious about what’s going on with Ethan, Mark’s phone rings with a call from the boy. He picks up instantly, needing to know what the hell is happening.

“Ethan? Why haven’t you been answering my calls all week?” Mark asks, trying not to sound too angry since he doesn’t want Ethan to become upset.

“I’m sorry, I really am,” says Ethan, “I just couldn’t tell you yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because I knew that if you found out, you’d try to stop me from doing this.” Ethan sighs and glances up at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling.

“From doing what? Can I please know what’s been going on with you? Why were you so upset last week?” Mark asks, feeling like he’ll explode if he doesn’t get the answers to his questions soon.

“I’ll tell you now. That’s why I called you,” Ethan says. “I was upset last week because of some news I got about Mika.”

“Mika? Did she break up with you or something?”

“No, what--this is worse. Please stop talking so I can say this without having a breakdown,” Ethan pleads, and Mark shuts his mouth.

“As I was saying, I got some really bad news about Mika. Apparently she’s been suffering from, uh, I think it’s called dilated cardio--cardiomyopathy,” Ethan says slowly.  _ Oh, so now he can say big words _ , Mark thinks. “Something happened because of it, I don’t really know the details, but I got a call from the hospital saying that she needs a heart transplant within two weeks or she’ll die.”

Suddenly Mark feels frozen, unable to say much of anything. “I--I’m sorry, I didn’t--”

“I would have told you sooner if it wasn’t for the situation at hand now,” Ethan explains.

“What do you mean?” Mark asks, his mouth dry and voice hoarse.

Hesitantly, Ethan says, “There haven’t been any people dying recently who are organ donors, which means Mika can’t get a heart transplant. The longer the doctors wait, the closer she gets to dying. So I--well, I gave them an idea.”

Ethan stops speaking, so Mark asks a question he’s quite honestly afraid to hear the answer to. “What was the idea?”

It takes almost a minute for Ethan to continue. “I convinced the hospital staff to literally take my heart and give it to Mika so she can live. I waited until now to tell you because obviously it means I’ll die. If I told you sooner, you would have spent every waking moment trying to convince me not to do this.”

It’s then that Mark hears the background noise on Ethan’s end of the call. Machines beeping and people chattering. “Where are you right now?” he asks, but he already thinks he knows the answer.

“I’m at the hospital,” Ethan admits, and Mark’s heart plummets as he begins to feel dizzy. 

“Ethan, If you got this news a week ago--”

“The operation is going to start in like ten minutes,” Ethan says, confirming Mark’s newest and deepest fear. “I’m sorry I waited until now to tell you this. It just would have been too hard to tell you goodbye. I have to go.”

“No, no, wait, don’t go yet--” The call ends before Mark can say anything else, and he’s left standing there, miles away from Ethan, who’s about to give his life to save his girlfriend.

Not that Mika doesn’t deserve to live, because of course she does, but Ethan is so much more important to Mark than she is. He has to stop this before Ethan’s gone. He has to see Ethan.

Mark needs to get to that hospital.

\--

Really, it had taken less than 24 hours to Ethan to come up with the idea of giving his own heart to save Mika. It just took him a day or two to convince himself it’s what he really wanted.

He loves Mika. Mika deserves the world, and Ethan won’t be able to handle losing her. But if he goes through with this idea, he won’t be able to see her anymore or spend time with her. He’ll be dead. Though, he sees it this way:

If he doesn’t do it, Mika will be gone. Her life will be over. Ethan will have to live without her.

If he does do it, he’ll be gone. His life will be over, but Mika will get to live. She’ll have to live without Ethan, but she has so many people who can help her get over the loss. 

If he doesn’t do it, at least he’ll have Mark to turn to when he’s grieving and distressed over losing her. But he’ll have to live the rest of his life knowing he could have saved her.

If he does do it, Mika can live knowing Ethan loved her enough to sacrifice himself for her. It’s a good way to go.

He’s starting to think he’s going to do it when a thought crosses his mind, one that he’d been avoiding for years.

He loves Mark too. He thinks he loves Mika more, but if he dies for her, he won’t ever have the chance to see if Mark feels the same way about him. And on the off chance that Mark does have feelings for Ethan, it would be awful to give his own life for someone else. How would Mark be able to live without Ethan?

He decides to sleep it off, and maybe he’ll decide when he wakes up.

When he wakes up, he knows he has to do it. He has to save Mika. He spends the rest of the week convincing himself it’s one hundred percent what he wants. He pretends not to care about dying, and ignores the fact that his friends and family will have to live without him. Mika is just more important than he is. He has to do it, right?

Of course he doesn’t tell Mark. The man would be devastated. So Ethan waits until everything is set up for the operation; he waits until the last moment to call Mark and let him know what’s about to go down. He can’t even say a proper goodbye, because he knows it’ll be too difficult. Maybe it’ll hurt less this way.

He ignores the ache in his chest. He forgets about the reluctance he still has to do this. His final moments will be in a hospital, surrounded by surgeons rather than the people he knows and loves. He chooses not to think about the things he’ll never get to do with his life since it’s going to end. He chooses to want to sacrifice himself. He chooses to save Mika.

He wishes someone else could just choose for him.


	3. Chapter 3

Knowing that he has to get to the hospital as soon as possible, Mark slips on his shoes, having trouble tying the laces because his hands are shaking. He does his best to work past the nerves, pulling on his jacket and grabbing his keys. He has to remind himself to stay calm so he can drive safely, trying not to go more than five miles per hour over the speed limit so he doesn’t get pulled over and lose precious time. By the time he gets there, it’s been ten minutes, so chances are Ethan is already about to be gone.

He parks his car in the first parking spot he sees and rushes into the hospital. He asks about an “Ethan Nestor” when he gets to the front desk, and the woman says he’s here but no one is allowed to see him since the operation is starting. Mark asks _where the hell is he,_ because _he_ _needs to see his best friend before he fucking dies,_ and the woman gives him a location in the hospital and tells him she’s sorry, even though she isn’t because she can’t possibly understand the situation.

Then he’s practically running down hallways and dodging nurses, and once he pushes through the doors that lead into the surgery wing there are people calling for security, saying he can’t go back there without permission. But he doesn’t stop, not until he reaches the correct operating room and tries to turn the doorknob, only to find that it’s locked. He looks through the little window in the door and sees Ethan there, one of the surgeons putting one of those clear masks on his face and just about to give him anesthesia. Mark frantically bangs on the door, turning the heads of everyone in the room, including Ethan.

Ethan says something to the surgeons, taking the mask off of his face and sitting up. Mark can hardly process anything aside from Ethan standing up and walking over to the door, unlocking it and opening it wide. He steps outside and into the hall with Mark, who wishes he would have prepared what he was going to say in this moment. He guesses he didn’t think he’d get this far.

“What are you doing here?” Ethan asks, his voice a harsh whisper as if he’s angry. “Well?” he adds when Mark doesn’t respond. The latter only hugs him, his eyes filling with tears as he thinks this could still be the last time he sees his best friend if he doesn’t say the right things right now.

“You can’t do this,” says Mark.

“I already made the choice to do it,” Ethan says flatly. “It’s too late.”

Mark hugs him tighter. “No. You don’t get to choose to throw your life away. You don’t get to choose at all. It’s her life at stake, not yours.”

Ethan did say he wishes someone else could choose for him.

“Please don’t do this. You’re giving up your entire future if you do this. Why can’t you just come home?”

Ethan pulls away from the hug and leans against the opposite wall. “I have to do it because I can’t--I don’t want to live without Mika.”

“I know how much she means to you,” Mark begins, “and I know she deserves to live, but you can’t die for her Ethan because I can’t lose you--” He has to stop speaking when there’s a lump in his throat and the tears in his eyes are making his vision blurry.

“I’m sorry,” Ethan says, sounding close to tears now as well. 

Mark knows that this is his only chance to keep Ethan alive. And if these are his last moments with him, then Mark wants to say  _ everything. _

“I’m in love with you,” he blurts out, not caring about how desperate he must sound. “Think of how much you’ll be hurting me if you go through with this. I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.”

Something in Ethan’s expression changes, but he doesn’t give in. “Mark. You know I love you, but I love Mika too. I can’t sit here and let Mika die, even if it means I’m the one who has to stop living. I’m sorry.” He turns on his heel and walks back towards the room, where the surgeons are waiting.

“I can’t just let  _ you  _ die!” Mark exclaims, but Ethan keeps walking, practically placing one foot in the grave. “No, please, Ethan, don’t go, don’t--fuck, please--”

“ _ Ethan _ !” He shrieks as the boy is just about to close the door. He turns back with wide eyes and sees Mark with tears streaking down his face, standing in the middle of the hall. He looks like he’s just seen someone die right in front of him. And Ethan has never heard Mark shout like that before, with so much desperation and urgency in his tone.

Ethan can’t take his eyes off of Mark. Before, Ethan thought that the most selfless thing he could do would be to give his life to save Mika. But he knew now, while looking into Mark’s pleading eyes, that Mark and Mika loved him both so much, and that they’d both be devastated to have to live without him. How could he do that to them?

So he gives in.

“I can’t do this operation,” he says while maintaining eye contact with Mark. The surgeons all share a look. “I’m sorry for wasting your time,” he says to them.

He takes a single step forward. “Take me home,” he whispers to Mark. The man pulls him in for another hug, squeezing him so tight he can barely breathe. Mark lets out a choked sob, keeping a tight hold on Ethan for several minutes before they both calm down enough to pull apart. 

A nurse approaches them, and only then do they look to the side and see the four nurses and two security guards tearing up at the scene in front of them. Mark lets himself be embarrassed then, but he’ll never regret anything he said to try to talk Ethan out of the surgery. The nurse places a gentle hand on Ethan’s shoulder.

“Mr. Nestor, while you’re here, do you want to say goodbye to Ms. Midgett? She might not make it much longer,” the woman says. 

Ethan nods, and the three of them head to a different floor of the hospital, down several hallways filled with artificial light before finally reaching their destination. Ethan opens the door with a shaky hand and sees Mika there, asleep in the hospital bed. She’s connected to so many wires it hurts to look at, and Ethan bites his lip as he approaches her.

He stands beside the bed, looking down at her, Mark standing just behind him. “I want to save her,” he breathes. “I can’t do that myself though.” After a few moments of silence, he turns back to Mark. “Can I have a minute alone with her?” Mark nods and promptly leaves the room. Ethan clears his throat and says his goodbyes with a heavy heart. He makes sure to give her one last kiss.

Ethan is quiet in the car as Mark drives him home, and he’s quiet as Mark walks him to his front door. Mark offers to stay with him for a bit to help him through all of the pain he must be feeling, mixed with exhaustion after the day they’ve had. But Ethan shakes his head, giving a weak smile to mask the hollowness he feels in his chest.

“I need to be alone.”


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next few days, Mark doesn’t hear from Ethan at all. Honestly, he’s driving himself crazy with worry. In fact, he’s worried enough that he can hardly sleep at night. He’s worried that Ethan is extremely depressed over losing Mika. He’s worried that Ethan doesn’t want to speak to Mark because of the little love confession he gave at the hospital; because Ethan doesn’t feel the same.

Then he realizes that he doesn’t know what Ethan meant when he said he loves Mark. The way he said it sounded platonic, but the rest of the sentence made it sound like something entirely different. “ _ You know I love you, but I love Mika too.”  _ Could he reciprocate Mark’s feelings? How long should Mark have to wait before he makes a move? Weeks? Months?

Now he’s just getting ahead of himself.

Meanwhile, Ethan takes a few days to spend time alone and let his emotions out. He cries most of the first day, and he stays in bed most of the second. On day three, he talks to Mika’s parents on the phone for a few hours, and though they thank him for what he’s done for her in the time that they were together, Ethan only feels guilty for not doing everything he could to save her life. They know she isn’t gone yet, but it seems like she is.

On the fourth and fifth days of solitude, Ethan doesn’t seem to feel much of anything at all. He thinks he’s probably mentally exhausted. He sleeps for most of day six.

He spends the seventh day thinking about Mark. Mark, who rushed to the hospital and spilled out all of his feelings, begging Ethan not to go through with the surgery. Mark, who came over late at night two weeks ago to comfort Ethan in a time of need. Mark, who Ethan didn’t want to deny his feelings for anymore.

As much as he misses Mika, Ethan kind of wishes he could go to Mark’s house and finally kiss him like he’s wanted to for so long.

It’s been a week. A full week since Ethan said he needs to be alone. A week since Mark went home and stopped getting texts or calls from his best friend.

Fuck it. He has to see him.

There’s a knock on Ethan’s door that interrupts--well, he wasn’t really doing anything to be honest. Without even thinking about who might be at the door, he’s getting up and turning the doorknob. 

“Mark? What are you doing here?”

Mark runs a hand through his hair and exhales shakily. “I just--it’s been a week, and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Ethan nods and resists the urge to smile. “I was actually about to call and ask you to come over,” he admits. “I guess I don’t have to ask now though.”

“Listen, about what I said last week--”

“No, shut up,” Ethan interjects, but he’s not annoyed. “You don’t have to say anything about it. Just--Just kiss me.”

Mark isn’t sure where the hell Ethan’s boldness came from, but he doesn’t want to waste any time fulfilling the request. He steps forward, his hands resting on Ethan’s hips as he pulls him closer so that their lips are only a centimeter apart. “Tell me you want me to,” Mark whispers.

“I want you to kiss me,” Ethan murmurs, and then he’s leaning forward and pressing their lips together. Mark lets his eyes slip closed, nearly short circuiting at the realization that  _ this is actually happening. _

“Wowie, I just kissed Markiplier,” Ethan says quietly when he pulls away. They both laugh. He grabs onto Mark’s shirt and pulls him inside, closing the door behind him. Mark backs him up against the door, taking Ethan’s free hand in his and intertwining their fingers. He presses their clasped hands up against the door and leans in again, capturing Ethan’s lips with his own. After a minute, they pull away for air before diving right back in, and Ethan pushes Mark back a bit so they can find their way to the couch.

They’re all over each other then, gasping and letting their tongues dance as they make out. Mark’s hands are on Ethan’s waist, his fingers just barely slipping under Ethan’s shirt to feel his soft skin. Ethan snakes his hands from Mark’s shoulders up into his dark hair, tugging lightly to make Mark shiver.

Ethan’s phone rings, and he moves away from Mark. He has to use his left hand to reach for his phone, because Mark refuses to let go of his right. “Hello?”

Mark can’t hear the person on the other line, and as soon as Ethan hangs up he glances at Mark and takes a deep breath, squeezing his hand. “She’s gone,” he whispers, and Mark is immediately pulling him into a hug.

Mark stays over that night, holding Ethan as the tears that slipped out earlier begin to dry on his flushed cheeks. He tells Ethan it’s okay, and that he’s sorry, and that even though Mika’s gone he’s just so happy Ethan is still here. 

Ethan wakes up first in the morning with Mark’s arms wrapped around him. The sun has already risen, a yellowish light doing its best to shine into the room despite being blocked by the curtains. Ethan glances at the clock on his nightstand, the numbers screaming at him. But even though it’s already almost noon, he decides it’s okay to stay here a bit longer, Mark’s body heat keeping him warm. And for a moment, it almost takes his mind off of Mika.

Even though Mark’s still asleep, Ethan feels the need to say what’s on his mind. “This is it, Mark. I’m alive, and she’s gone,” he begins softly. “I stayed because of you. My heart beats for you.

“Just last week I thought that I needed to save Mika’s life, but in reality, I needed you to save mine.” He breathes in the cool air around him, feeling thankful for being alive for the first time in, well, forever.

He’s okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, Mika is amazing and wow I feel horrible for what I've done to her in this fic. Please do not hate me >_<
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment, I appreciate feedback!


End file.
